YEEZUS

Kanye West, Married for Five Years, Feels Like He’s Been Married for Half a Century

But marriage is “more than cool as hell,” so no offense to Kim Kardashian.

by Steph Eckardt

Louis Vuitton : Runway - Paris Fashion Week - Menswear Spring/Summer 2019
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Try as one might, it’s proven nearly impossible to ignore the fact that Kanye West is back. Having finally released his new album, Jesus Is King, West has now embarked on a press tour—which is to say he’s back to whipping up controversy seemingly for its own sake. Whether he’s characterizing himself as “unquestionably, undoubtedly the greatest human artist of all time”; telling the media he should have Virgil Abloh’s job at Louis Vuitton; or attempting to forbid his collaborators from having pre-marital sex, he’s stirring the pot at every possible opportunity. It almost goes without saying, then, that his latest appearance, on Carpool Karaoke with James Corden, was a wild ride—starting with the fact that it took place not in a car, but on an airplane. (One filled to the brim with Sunday Service choir members at that.)

Perhaps to make up for the fact that he has reportedly cost the show $45,000 by cancelling appearances in the past, West provided Corden with nearly 20 minutes of material. Of course, the bulk of the conversation centered on his special relationship with the lord.”God is using me, as a human being. As humbly as I can put it, he’s using me to show off,” West asserted. “God is showing off! Yeezy is worth $3 billion. No. 1 searched brand in the world. He’s showing off. Kanye West works for god!”

But that’s not all: Kanye West is also apparently going into debt for god. “Last year I made a $115 million and still ended up $35 million in debt. This year I looked up and I just got $68 million returned to me on on my tax … and people say don’t talk about these numbers,” he told Corden. “People need to hear someone—who has been put into debt by the system—talk about these kind of numbers now that they’re serviced to Christ.” (No wonder Kim Kardashian wasn’t pleased when he spent a reported $1.3 million on last year’s annual Kardashian Christmas party.)

Arguments over finances aside, West seems to be perfectly content with married life. “People thought it would be uncool to be married, and then I got married and people thought, ‘Oh, that looks cool,'” he told Corden, who was quick to disagree. “No one ever thought it would be uncool to marry Kim Kardashian. Everybody thought it would be cool to marry Kim,” Corden countered. West’s reply: “Well, not Kris Humphries!”

Marriage, West continued, is “more than cool, more than cool as hell or something, It’s heavenly, it’s great, it’s magnificent. I don’t like going out at nighttime, I like being at home with my family as much as possible. We eat dinner and we play with the kids and we’ll put the kids to bed and then we’ll go to bed and my wife watches Dateline and I read the bible.” His only qualm is that they don’t have more kids to play with, seeing as he and Kardashian apparently both agree that having seven children would be ideal. It isn’t the first time that number has come up: Last year, on Keeping Up With the Kardashians, Kim lamented that Kanye was “stuck on seven,” to the point that he’s been “harassing” her for more kids than their current count of four. (Kardashian, who’s previously described pregnancy as “the worst experience of [her] life,” worked with a surrogate to deliver their third and fourth.)

That’s just one subject on which the couple has publicly disagreed over the course of their five-year marriage, during which time they’ve also dealt with hardships like getting scolded by the Wyoming Game and Fish Department. Perhaps that’s why—when it comes to marriage—West seems to consider himself an expert. “Marriage years are different than human years,” he told Corden. “Like you know how dog years are like seven years? Every marriage year is like 100 years.” In his case, he continued, he feels like he’s been married to Kardashian “for 500.” It’s unclear how he arrived at the math, but West has certainly made about half a century’s worth of headlines with controversial comments over the course of their marriage—including an outburst last year in which he said “When you hear about slavery for 400 years … for 400 years? That sounds like a choice.”

Related: Kanye West Once Made Kim Kardashian Cry By Throwing Out 250 Pairs of Her Shoes