Jennifer Garner’s Commencement Speech Had Some Very Good Tips About Halloween and Sunscreen

If you’re of the belief that Jennifer Garner would deliver a pitch-perfect commencement speech if given the opportunity, we’re here to tell you that you’re exactly right!

Garner was recently the keynote speaker at the commencement ceremony at Denison University, the same school she graduated from in 1994. In many ways, Gardner was graduating all over again, with the university giving her an honoree doctorate degree. And since she’s far wiser than any of her fellow graduates, Garner did her best to bestow some sage advice for what to expect from life after college.

“When it comes to Halloween costumes, go funny over sexy,” Garner said. “Why would you dress like a flirty nurse when you could be a mailbox?” Wisdom doesn’t get much better than that, so theoretically Garner could have dropped the mic right then and there. But she didn’t. Not by a long shot. “Nothing looks better in your 50s than sunscreen in yours 20s,” she added. “Mixed signals are not mixed signals, they’re a no. Don’t walk down the Grand Canyon to see what it looks like from the bottom.”

Garner even managed to work some Hollywood lingo into her speech for good measure. “Chances are, if you’re lucky, life will be 65 percent happy. That’s a big win. That’s a ‘fresh’ on Rotten Tomatoes,” she said. “At a certain point, you’ll find there is no finish line to cross, no moment where you’re just supposed to be happy. While you wait for those moments, the MCAT score, the perfect job, the engagement ring, your life is happening. Isn’t it enough? Happiness is your own responsibility, so attack it.”

Can Jennifer Garner please graduate from college every year? Clearly, we’d be lost without her.

Related: Jennifer Garner Asks for Marie Kondo’s Help in Cleaning Out Her Junk Drawer