Gwyneth Paltrow’s Landmark Moment: The Goop Fast Food Guide is Here

The Goop brand was once synonymous with the particular lifestyle of its very famous founder Gwyneth Paltrow. Once a simple newsletter full of the latest macrobiotic nutrition recommendations and vaginal steaming trends that Paltrow herself presumably typed up at her kitchen counter, Goop is now a full-on media brand with venture capital funding behind it.

One that’s hungry for new content, and looking to expand itself ever so gently beyond its original strict ethos to attract new readers. A brand that even Paltrow herself says she hopes can someday stand on its own and expand beyond just her own personal brand. A site she imagines can be more service-y to a wider audience, and less a vehicle for Paltrow to unveil her “unconscious uncoupling.”

This, folks, is how we arrived to today’s monumental milestone in Goop history: fast food recommendations. Yes, “The Goop Fast Food Guide” is here.

The site that once implored you to go on a holistic detox and suggested you use superfood secret ingredients like “kombu,” is now admitting that sometimes real people need to go into real restaurants due to the very real short amount of time many of us have in a day and somehow make the best of it.

“We’re also realists who know that sometimes—especially when it’s airline-terminal-adjacent, right off the next highway exit, or at your kid’s all-day competition (shout out to all the #dancemoms out there)—we’re going to eat fast food,” is how the site puts it.

Thus, we now have suggestions to order Wendy’s Power Mediterranean Chicken Salad (but substitute the hummus for the low fat balsamic vinaigrette, naturally) or a McDonald’s grilled chicken patty in a lettuce wrap (hold the cheese, please). The guide even suggests Panda Express as a perfectly viable destination to dine on grilled chicken, plain brown rice, and steamed veggies.

While part of the charm of Goop (at least for some) is reading every single article as if it was written or edited by Paltrow herself, it is very hard to do that with this one. Does Paltrow even know what an Arby’s is?

Though we’re not entirely sure it was written by a person who knows the real in-and-outs of fast food semi-healthy hackery either (Dunkin Donut’s has the DD Smart menu with a bunch of egg white sutff, and it’s fine. Taco Bell has the Fresco menu, and it’s fine. KFC now has grilled chicken, and Oprah loves it and it’s fine).

In any event, it’s the biggest shift yet in a publication written by Gwyneth Paltrow for women who either are, also, Gwyneth Paltrow, or really want to be Gwyneth Paltrow, and to a site that’s more inclusive of readers who want some simple healthy living pointers but aren’t, realistically, actually going to make that activated charcoal chai recipe.

Don’t expect the site to stop proffering activated charcoal chai recipes anytime soon, but less strictly on-brand content popping up won’t come as a surprise.

Related: Gwyneth Paltrow Rethinks Her “Conscious Uncoupling” Announcement, But Doesn’t Mind You Making Fun of Her

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