Ask the Astro Poets: How Do I Ask a Gemini If We’re Exclusive?
Are things really exclusive? How do I recover from an Aries heartbreak? This month’s advice column tackles relationships from beginning to end.
Ask the Astro Poets is the monthly advice column by W‘s resident astrologers, Alex Dimitrov (Sagittarius) and Dorothea Lasky (Aries). At the halfway point of every month, they take a breather from writing poetry and horoscopes, and take your questions about love, career, even the big existential questions in life. From matchmaking and compatibility, friendship or professional advice, the poets of the stars are here to guide you through any challenge:
Dear Astro Poets,
I’m a Scorpio with an Aries moon and Pisces rising. Since November, I’ve been falling hard for a Gemini. He’s romantic, spontaneous, and attentive. The sex is incredible—meditative, spiritual. He’s taken me to a close friend’s wedding, come to my poetry readings, and spent a small fortune courting me. Which I love.
Here’s the rub: he hasn’t brought up exclusivity. And I want that. My Gemini BFF insists that he won’t state the obvious, and that if I want him to say it, I should ask. But I’m afraid to ask and scare him away or wound my own ego. The alternative, waiting, is driving me to jealousy, suspicion, and retaliatory tendencies. Even though he’s not aware of it, I’m exhausted, going out every night in Gemini fashion, trying to demonstrate how busy and desirable I am. To be honest, I just want to curl up in a dark corner and read a book, while being worshipped, in a totally exclusive partnership. How do I get this?
An Obsessive Scorpio
Dear Obsessive Scorpio,
Curling up with a book and being worshipped? I love that. Leave it to a Scorpio to demand such a thing so bluntly. For all the talk about how flirtatious and non-committal Scorpios are, we all know you want someone to build you an altar and attend to it with immaculate devotion. Do Geminis particularly care about what you want? Well, the answer is always yes and no. They have to be tricked into thinking that what you want is what they want—and oftentimes they just don’t know what that is. They’re out there throwing around ideas, emotions, and often their own clothes off. Being unpredictable is one of their favorite things! It can lead them to creative breakthroughs, new opportunities, and yes, hurting people’s feelings without really realizing they’ve done so. Full disclosure: I love Geminis.
Every Gemini I’ve gone on a date with has appreciated spontaneity. And they really like being seen. These are some of the reasons why they’re a dynamic partnership with a fire sign, like an Aries or a Sagittarius, whereas Leos have a hard time tolerating them for long. Scorpios are possessive. They don’t necessarily have the same desire to be seen unless there is a task or goal—unless they really want something. Geminis are going to stay at the party forever if they can, because to them, the party is its own task or reason to be out because anything can happen there. So of course, you’re exhausted by constantly venturing to different places with him and performing how desirable you are—you want him in bed with you so you can interrogate him like the FBI about his past relationship while he feeds you grapes and tells you how he absolutely loathes his exes and already knows where you’re going to get married. (Scorpios have done this to me on a second date. No joke.) But if you want that, find a Taurus, not a Gemini.
Celebrity Capricorns: See Photographs of Sienna Miller, Bradley Cooper, Kate Moss and Other Stars With the Same Astrological Sign
Photo of Sienna Miller by Tim Walker for W Magazine.
Photo of Mary J. Blige by Inez Van Lamsweerde Inez and Vinoodh Matadin for W Magazine.
Photo of Kit Harington by Mario Sorrenti for W Magazine.
Photo of Kate Moss by Mert Alas and Marcus Piggott for W Magazine.
Photo of Bradley Cooper by Tim Walker for W Magazine.
Photo of Ellen DeGeneres by Michael Thompson for W Magazine, March 2007.
Photo of Jared Leto by Inez Van Lamsweerde and Vinoodh Matadin for W Magazine.
Photo of Diane von Fürstenberg by Patrick Demarchelier for W Magazine.
Photo of Cynthia Erivo by The Eastern Conference for W Magazine, September 2018.
American actor, Denzel Washington, born December 28th. Photo of Denzel Washington by Dan Winters for W Magazine.
Photo of Diane Keaton courtesy of Getty Images.
Photo of Harmony Korine by Andreas Laszlo Konrath for W Magazine.
Photo of Jim Carrey by Caitlin Cronenberg for W Magazine, September 2017.
Photo of January Jones by Craig McDean for W Magazine.
Photo of Eddie Redmayne by Peter Lindbergh for W Magazine.
Photo of Ralph Fiennes by Ari Marcopoulos for W Magazine.
Photo of David Bowie by Mick Rock.
Photo of J.K. Simmons by Tim Walker for W Magazine.
But I’m going to ask the very annoying question here—is that really what you want right now? That incredible, spiritual, meditative sex you mention, the poetry readings… Who’s to say those aren’t all somewhat linked to how uninhibited your relationship is currently? I hear you. You may want forever—a forever only with you. But no one’s really gotten to that “forever” place and told us what it really feels like. A lot of people have pretended to. But I’m a poet and a Sagittarius. I’m not easily convinced or fooled even if the idea seems romantic. So I say stay where you are and take pleasure in the moment. Walt Whitman loved the moment (Gemini, of course). Everything happened there, like everything happens in Leaves of Grass. Maybe revisit that book, too. Sometimes it really takes a Gemini poet to help us see something in a different light.
I do agree with your Gemini friend, however, that if you absolutely still find yourself being unable to shake this feeling, and if it’s leading you to jealousy and games—just be direct about it and say, “Hey, I’d love to be exclusive, what do you think about that?” Let there be a question ending that statement. He’s a Gemini. He both hates and loves his options. But he needs them there. They’re the party. They make him feel alive. (Again, if you said this to a Taurus, there’d be wedding invitations mailed out by the end of the day.) As for me, I’ll be right here casting a spell that there’s some Scorpio out there who wants me the same way. Scorpio passion and obsession is totally intoxicating. I think this Gemini is going to realize that very soon—he probably already has.
Your flirty, freedom-obsessed Sagittarius,
Alex
Celebrity Aquarius Season With Oprah and Laura Dern
Alicia Keys, born January 25th. Photo by Mario Sorrenti for W Magazine.
Laura Dern, born February 10th. Photo by Juergen Teller for W Magazine.
Jennifer Aniston, born February 11th. Photo by Michael Thompson for W Magazine.
Evan Peters, born January 20th. Photo by Alasdair McClellan for W Magazine.
Oprah Winfrey, born January 29th. Photo by Juergen Teller for W Magazine.
Paris Hilton, born February 17th. Photo by Mayan Toledano For W Magazine.
Yara Shahidi, born February 10th. Photo by Alex Hodor Lee for W Magazine.
Ellen Degeneres, born January 26th, and Portia De Rossi, born January 31st. Photo by Michael Thompson for W Magazine.
Tom Hiddleston, born February 9th. Photo by Mona Kuhn for W Magazine.
Eiza Gonzalez, born January 30th. Photo by Bruno Staub for W Magazine.
Kerry Washington, born January 31st. Photo by Juergen Teller for W Magazine.
Ashton Kutcher, born February 7th. Photo by Pari Dukovic for W Magazine.
Emma Roberts, born February 10th. Photo by Inez and Vinoodh for W Magazine.
Elizabeth Olsen, born February 16th. Photo by Alex Prager for W magazine.
Justin Timberlake, born January 31st. Photo by Platon Antoniou for W Magazine.
Joseph Gordon-Levitt, born February 17th. Photo by Juergen Teller for W Magazine.
Benicio del Toro, born February 19th. Photo by Peter Lindbergh for W Magazine.
Chloë Grace Moretz, born February 10th. Photo by Rineke Dijkstra for W Magazine.
Michael B. Jordan, born February 9th. Photo by Tim Walker for W Magazine.
Christina Ricci, born February 12th. Photo by Mert and Marcus for W Magazine.
Dear Astro Poets,
I’m a Virgo with an Aries moon and Libra rising. Last year, I become close with a Libra. They were very close to my own birthday (about 11 days, so they might be considered cusp-y). After a few months of friendship, I proposed taking things to the next level and we dated.
Three months later, they broke it to me that they weren’t feeling it. I was devastated. Though there may have been common ground at the time, I ultimately agree we were a bad match romantically. But everything about the way they went through with the breakup and approached attempting to be friends again after has been painful and soul-killing, and I’ve been stuck on the thought that there’s a lot about myself I have to re-examine as a result of being put in this position.
My chart seems to tell me this is to be expected for my particular brand of self-centeredness, but I also wonder if there’s another wake-up call—perhaps how I relate to my rising sign in Libra. I think that “who I want to be” is what really resonated with what I saw in this Libra. The fact that it went south, then, is making me question it. I wonder if this is a pattern pertaining to sun and rising signs that you’ve seen before and would love to hear what you have to say about it—even apart from my specific heartache!
Mad props and love for all you do,
A Heartbroken Virgo
Dear Virgo Heart,
First of all, I can’t say sorry enough that this Libra has caused you so much pain. As an Aries, I’m sending you so much fire to warm your earth heart and hopefully, reignite your moon with its burning Aries match.
There’s a lot to say astrologically about why it might have not worked out. Even without knowing your partner’s moon and rising, it makes a lot of sense why you were attracted to them and wanted to take things to the next level. First of all, people always feel a bond when their birthdays are close, even when they’re technically different signs. As the ether moves from Virgo to Libra season, there are lots of liminal energies that contain the same properties, so people can be bonded because they share the idea of birth and rebirth within the same time of year. Plus, you said they are cusp-y—I wonder how cusp-y, because any actual Virgo-ness in them could have strengthened your bond. What’s more, all signs next to each other have a karmic bond, and the sign after (in this case Libra) has learned a lesson the other has yet to learn. I don’t know about you, but I find someone who knows something I don’t pretty sexy, so just imagine on the karmic level how hot this is to all of us.
Also, your moon in Aries is opposed to Libra, meaning that you saw qualities in this Libra you found undeniably attractive and irresistible. Your Libra rising, as you note, didn’t help matters, because on some level you understood this Libra better than a Virgo who would have an earth sign rising, for example. Plus, your Libra rising further attracted them to you, because when they first met you or when you were out together socializing—which is where Libras love to be most, unless they are hiding under the covers, sulking—they saw how witty you were, with your sparkling social graces, and they fell for you even more madly.
Jennifer Lopez’s Boy Toys, from Diddy to Drake, Have Never Been Able to Measure Up to Her Style
JLo may have started seeing David Cruz when she was just 15, but she went on to date her first love for a full decade, making for plenty of ’90s fashion moments even after they split up, like this tank dress in 1995.
Even though JLo met the actor Wesley Snipes when filming a sex scene she later publicly called “horrible,” she went on to date Snipes briefly after filming wrapped, this time keeping showcasing a bit more demure ’90s fashion.
Long before JLo’s first husband Ojani Noa threatened to release a sex tape of her last year, the pair met in a Cuban restaurant where he was a waiter, making for a year-long marriage that saw JLo in body con dresses and blue eye shadow while he opted for hot pink button-ups.
Fresh from divorcing Noa, JLo broke out the thigh-skimming dresses and started straightening her hair for her fling with music executive Tommy Mottola—also a recent divorcé, who was rebounding from Mariah Carey.
In their two years of dating, JLo and Diddy hardly shied from the opportunity to coordinate outfits, matching in white (but sadly not in crop tops) for events like the 2000 VMAs.
Diddy reprised the all-white look at the Grammy Awards later that year, while JLo busted out a green Versace dress now so iconic, it has its own Wikipedia page.
Cris Judd was the first of several back-up dancers JLo ended up having flings with, and definitely the first she married, marking a two-year relationship full of early aughts style and hairdos like a mop of floppy curls.
Bennifer met on-set of Gigli in 2002 and dated for the next two years, until calling off their engagement in 2004—a time full of plenty of t-shirts and off-color ties for Affleck, and fur and floor-length, high slitted gowns for JLo. (Not to mention all her crop tops alongside Affleck in the video for “Jenny from the Block.”
Post-Ben, JLo found her groove with Marc Anthony, whom she was married to for seven years, having twins named Max and Emme before divorcing in 2011, a year that nonetheless saw JLo looking her best in silver Emilio Pucci sequins at the Grammy Awards.
That same year, JLo was rumored to have had a fling with another mustachioed man: her What to Expect When You’re Expecting costar Rodrigo Santoro, whom she made plenty of red carpet appearances with, like in this sheer gown at the film’s L.A. premiere.
Other than a few sneaky dinners, JLo and Bradley Cooper were rarely seen in public together, but they made enough appearances together—even front row at Tommy Hilfiger—for JLo to bring out the thigh-high boots.
JLo’s real beau post-Marc Anthony, though, was another, much younger backup dancer named Casper Smart, whom she dated all the way up until 2016, when she wore this much more sophisticated take on her Diddy-era head-to-toe white.
Though things were never confirmed between the pair, it’s hard to imagine there wasn’t tension (or at least plenty of sweat) between JLo and the Dancing with the Stars star Maksim Chmerkovskiy. (As her first husband Ojani Noa can attest, JLo does seem to love a hot pink button-up.)
It seemed entirely possible that JLo and Drake’s much buzzed about relationship had continued into 2017 until this week, when the first song on Drake’s new album made it pretty clear things have ended with the lyrics “I drunk text J. Lo / Old numbers so I bounce back.” Still, the Instagrams of their short-lived time together live on, blurry as they are, but clear enough to show the pair at least shared a love for bling.
Things appear to still be starting out for JLo and Alex Rodriguez, which seems to be why the pair left dinner separately in Miami—and why JLo pulled out an eye-catching, tight-fitting dress in what now seems to signal a serious move for her: all-white.
There are many karmically-connected couples who have found themselves together—one that immediately comes to mind is J.Lo and Marc Anthony (Leo and Virgo, respectively). When they got together, I immediately thought, Oh no! I knew after J.Lo’s profound heartbreak from her Leo-Leo relationship with Ben Affleck, she would be drawn to the steadiness of an old Virgo friend, but that things were never going to really be okay, with all that fire and earth trying to work it out. At the same time, there have been successful karmically-connected Virgo-Libra relationships—take Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith, for example, who are going on 20 years now. They’ve figured out a way to draw strength from each other, despite the big differences in their personalities. I can only help but wonder what the rest of their charts look like!
Despite Will and Jada’s success story, I can’t lie and pretend that Virgo-Libra is really a good match. Libras are very cerebral, especially in love. I can see your story play out, as your Libra was enjoying your company and definitely attracted to you, but maybe not thinking of it as romantic with a capital R until you mentioned it. Despite their well-earned bossy reputations, Libras can also be passive and go along with the other person, as they always want to achieve harmony. Basically, they were like, yes, this person is amazing, why not? Libras are deeply romantic, just in a different way than Virgos. More than other signs, they tend to really believe in the idea of true love. I remember many years ago dating a Libra who professed love after a few days, much to my surprise. They like to move fast romantically and express their feelings readily, and when they don’t make the first move, it’s usually not a good sign that they’ll ultimately feel the same way.
11 Celebrity Couples We’d Like To See Get Back Together By Christmas
Let’s start with one that may already be in the works. If some very suspect social media flirting is to be believed, Jenny Slate and Chris Evans may have already gotten back together following their split earlier this year.
Listen, we know Drake still pines over Rihanna. It is time for the bad gal to settle down and welcome him into her life with open arms.
Jennifer Lawrence broke it off with director boyfriend Darren Aronofsky just before Thanksgiving, so now is the perfect time to reconnect with ex-boyfriend Nicholas Hoult. Their cinematic collaboration in the X-Men films was better received than mother!, at least.
Robert Pattinson’s most notorious relationship may have been with Kristen Stewart, but by far his coolest was with FKA Twigs. The two need to reconcile if only for the future R.Patz-starring indie film, soundtracked by Twigs.
Cara Delevingne may still be credited with background vocals on St. Vincent’s latest album, but surely there is still plenty of collaborations to be had between them, especially if Delevingne wants to expand her model-actress title into a true triple threat.
Earlier this year, Nicole Kidman revealed that years ago she and Lenny Kravitz, father of her Big Little Lies co-star Zoe Kravitz, had once been engaged. This needs to become a reality, if only for the real-life Celeste-Bonnie mother-daughter fan fiction. (No offense to Keith Urban.)
At least year’s Art Basel Miami Beach, Madonna offered to remarry Sean Penn for $150,000, which would go to her charity Raising Malawi, if he bid that amount on a necklace up for grabs. Penn didn’t bite, but maybe it is time to pitch in to a Kickstarter for the cause. Hey, it’s for charity.
Tom Green and Drew Barrymore were the lovable, goofy couple of the early Aughts—a fun-loving, drama-free pair that the would could certainly use these days.
Emo is back in style, and there is no greater poster child of true, angsty love than Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson. Simpson may be enjoying her new status as Diana Ross’s daughter-in-law, but can Evan Ross really pen a love lyric quite like Fall Out Boy?
Gisele Bündchen and Tom Brady may be the golden couple of the NFL, but back in the day, Gisele was meant to be with another golden boy: Leonardo Dicaprio. Just imagine how much more stylish environmental conventions would be with Bündchen around.
Justin TImberlake may be happily married to Jessica Biel, and Britney Spears happily invested in her new career as a painter, but truly, there was no greater couple at the turn of the Millennium than these two. Justin, bring the romance back. And ‘Nsync, while you’re at it.
Again, I am so sorry about how this Libra reacted after the breakup and seems detached and not respectful of your feelings. This sounds like a pretty classic Libra, using their rational minds to get over something, versus their hearts. I find this to be an annoying trait in people in general. If I ever have any romantic feelings for someone—reciprocated or not—I get that soul-crushed feeling whenever they treat me as a casual friend (Scorpio moon here, hi). It just feels so cruel, and it’s hard to understand that they think they are just being nice. I don’t think your Libra is trying to be cruel. Libras aren���t generally mean at all by definition—it’s just that, like their other air sign kindred, they’re a little wild and free, and want to stay that way. Your Libra likely doesn’t fathom how much it hurts you to see them in friendly ways. And so, maybe it’s best to make a clean break for a while, until your feelings can evolve into something that feels better for you.
I think you’d be really happy with a Taurus, maybe one with a Sagittarius moon. I love that combo actually. Taurus season is coming up. Maybe around late April, go to your local bakery and wait for people to pick up their birthday cakes. Use your charming Libra rising sign to compliment their choice in cake design and maybe invite yourself to their party. They’ll appreciate your initiative.
For whatever it’s worth, I appreciate everything that you do.
Love from the Sea of Love,
Dorothea
Related: Just in Time for Valentine’s Day, the Astro Poets Have Your February Horoscopes
