The Astro Poets’ Guide to Big Little Lies

Big Little Lies is back and it easily houses the entire zodiac. It’s also proof that fire signs are definitely unhinged and the ones keeping things interesting. (Not that we needed it; after all, it’s never an earth sign spontaneously cheating or casually deciding to ruin someone’s life.) Take a look at our astrological character breakdown, from Meryl Streep’s Mary Louise to Darby Camp’s Chloe, here.

Aries

Chloe is literally always rolling her eyes at everyone and starting drama. And she’s like what, six? No Aries can keep a secret. She more or less started a huge mess by telling Ziggy who his father is. Aries are the baby of the zodiac. They mean well, but they don’t always know how to manifest that, yet that doesn’t stop them from following through on their (often delusional) decisions. Certainly she’ll continue driving Madeline crazy. An Aries is good at doing that with just about anyone.

Taurus

Ed is a Taurus. He’s highly devoted to Madeline, incredibly rational, and communicative too. He’ll basically just take care of everything no matter how narcissistic and impulsive Madeline is. Being married to a Taurus is amazing until you make them mad over something that’s a deal breaker—like cheating. Tauruses don’t really forgive or compromise. They don’t love change and they don’t love secrets. Ed is going to make Madeline regret she ever cheated on him.

Gemini

So Gordon, Renata’s husband, basically lost all of their money without telling her because he got a little too hyped up on insider trading—very Gemini move. He clearly wilds out because being married to a Scorpio is terrifying and Geminis love to steal the attention. They cannot be contained. They are chaotic and will make a huge scene rather than communicate their emotions like, you know, regular people. It’s a fun ride though. Always entertaining to watch.

Cancer

All Mary Louise had to do was scream at the dinner table for us to know she’s a Cancer. And then she invited everyone else to scream with her. Honestly, she’s probably screaming like that every day in private. And saying things like “I can’t complain. Actually, I can.” She has the classic Cancer traits: passive-aggressive, a bit of a stalker, nurturing, overly emotional, and interested in everyone else’s drama. She’s clearly going to drive this entire season… and herself into a breakdown.

Leo

Obviously Madeline is a Leo. She’s bossy, has great hair, and tells her daughter she had an affair while her husband is in the house, and listening, thinking that she’ll somehow get away with it. I mean, that is iconic, entitled behavior. Being married to Ed, who is an earth sign, there’s just not enough fireworks for her. Very Leo lines include: “Once I lean in, you know how I am” and “I know how to make every situation about me.” Who can blame her, though? Everything in Monterey basically revolves around her.

Virgo

This may be shocking and controversial, but Bonnie is definitely a Virgo. First of all, she has all these rules about her diet and her lifestyle. She knows exactly what she wants and doesn’t want. And—here we go—she does a great shut-down. No one is getting through her Virgo walls once they’re up. Not her mother, not her friends, not her husband. Bonnie’s also skeptical of her mother’s visions or anything “supernatural.” She’s a pragmatist, and can come off as severe. And she’s in charge and authoritative. No one should cross her this season unless they literally want her to kill them…

Libra

Celeste is such a Libra. She never looks bad. She’s graceful at all times. And even when her inner life is a mess and she’s falling apart, there’s an understated charm to her. She’s also highly analytical and is more self-aware than any of her close friends. That doesn’t mean that self-awareness always serves her or that she makes the right decisions, but that’s Libras for you. A little self-destructive, a little glamorous, a little unpredictable. She surprises everyone with her strength.

Scorpio

Renata is one of the most legendary Scorpios ever. When she said “I used to like to sit on your face, too. You think that’ll happen again?,” that was Scorpio culture. She’s used to getting what she wants and she’s also not afraid to ruin someone’s life. Scorpios will be Scorpios, after all. They’re alluring and dangerous. The FBI should be scared of her, not the other way around, and they’ll find that out pretty soon.

Sagittarius

Abigail is a Sagittarius because she’s always talking back and not following the rules. She probably doesn’t want to go to college more so because she knows it will piss off her mother, rather than actually uphold the principles she has. Every Sagittarius loves freedom. And they invent all sorts of ways to justify their irrational behavior. But she has a good heart. She does care about helping people. It’s just that she’s a little rough around the edges. In the end, no one can really stop her from doing what she wants.

Capricorn

That’s Nathan. He’s stable yet explosive when things don’t go his way. He gave Ed an option of either helping him or fighting him in public—definitely a Capricorn move. Nathan will pretty much get what he wants because he is persistent. He’s not the best communicator, but he makes up for it by being attentive when it comes to practical matters.

Aquarius

Elizabeth, Bonnie’s new age-y mom, is an Aquarius. She doesn’t deal with bullshit, cuts straight to whatever problem she has with you, and is constantly talking about her “visions,” whatever those are. She definitely cares deeply but has an abrasive way of showing it. Aquarians aren’t big on putting their emotional depth on display but they do have it, and they put it in action, rather than just emoting for the sake of emoting all the time (like Cancers and Pisces).

Pisces

Jane is messy, complicated, and incredibly kind. She often feels like the most human character on the show. That she would consider going on a date with the weirdo guy she works with is proof that yes, Pisces really have a huge heart and would do anything for the possibility to “connect.” She’s all feelings all the time. And even though she doesn’t quite fit into Monterey, like most Pisces often don’t feel like they fit in the world, she’s made it better.

Related: Big Little Lies Season 2 Premiere Misery Index: Meet the Monterey Five