Ask the Astro Poets: What Do I Do If I Fall in Love With an Incompatible Sign?

Ask the Astro Poets is the monthly advice column by W‘s resident astrologers, Alex Dimitrov (Sagittarius) and Dorothea Lasky (Aries). At the halfway point of every month, they take a breather from writing poetry and horoscopes, and take your questions about love, career, even the big existential questions in life. From matchmaking and compatibility, to friendship, professional, and dating advice, the poets of the stars are here to guide you through any challenge:

Dear Astro Poets,

I’m a Scorpio who’s been in love with an Aquarius for two years (we’re both guys). I know he’s the one for me, but all we do is clash. It’s been said that a Scorpio and an Aquarius aren’t really compatible, but I don’t want that to get in the way. Could you help and tell me if this match can work, and if compatibility is everything?

A Persistent Scorpio

Dear Persistent Scorpio,

At first glance, Scorpio and Aquarius is indeed a challenging match. They’re both fixed signs—guardians, stubborn, and determined to fight for what they want—but in other ways, they’re very different. Aquarius is ruled by Uranus, that strange blue planet that has everything to do with vision, revolutionary possibilities, and the freedom to pursue them. Aquarians are an emblem of free thought and independence. As a Sagittarius, they’ve always been very inspiring to me. I totally get why you’re into this Aquarius. (I also dated one, but just for a summer—it would have been longer if fire signs don’t get bored so easily).

Meanwhile, Scorpio is ruled by Pluto—though we should remember that Pluto’s status as a planet has been revoked, which of course now makes it a gay icon. Pluto is also the god of the underworld, and as an astronomical body, it has everything to do with transformation, the subconscious, and revealing what’s underneath. What I mean to say is that Scorpios seek truth, and they’re not afraid of moving through dark energy to get to love.

So how does this apply to you and your Aquarius? Well, it makes sense that you two would constantly “clash,” as you say. Intellectually, this is a dynamic pairing because neither sign is interested in easy answers or socially prescribed norms. It will never get boring to go out to dinner together, nor endlessly talk over your morning coffee. The problem is that you won’t always agree on a worldview, life view, or really just about anything else. The sex, however, will be hot. It’s like the wind meeting the sea. You’re going to get a good storm. I always think of Scorpios as the deepest and most mysterious water. They’re charged with so much intensity, which they’re not afraid of showing, and Aquarians are also full of intensity, although it’s rarely on the surface or easily expressed. My advice would be to give your Aquarius as much freedom as he needs. Don’t constantly check up on him; let him pursue his friendships and weird obsessions in peace. This is hard for Scorpios because, let’s face it, you guys are very sexy stalkers. You’re ready to remind the person whom you’re in love with that you’re in love with them at all times, and you want to know everything about them emotionally. This is why Scorpios are also so invested in their lovers’ past romances, which can become a problem. For an Aquarius starting to date a Scorpio, claustrophobia can be real. And since they’re not especially communicative, and also quite cerebral, you won’t always know that your Aquarius is feeling that way until they lash out.

I’m actually one of those people that loves a challenging match. I don’t believe that it can’t lead to love or something meaningful. For me, that summer-long Aquarius whom I mentioned earlier was that challenging match. I wouldn’t say he’d disappear on me, but when we weren’t constantly texting or talking, I got the sense that he was in his own world and that he didn’t necessarily want to invite me there all the way. Aquarians really do need space where they can weird out. Scorpios are perfectly fine being crazy in front of their lovers, but that’s just not everyone. So have faith in this guy, as you do. Because I also know that when a Scorpio zeroes in on a person who they really want, they’re not only in it forever, but all of the playing games, having many lovers, going silent, and all those other things we tend to associate with them fall away. You’ve got this.

Your Sagittarius,

Alex

Dear Astro Poets,

I’m a Gemini sun with an Aries moon and Aquarius rising. I’m very much in love with a Libra (Sagittarius moon Aquarius rising). I’m happy, but I’m worried that I’m restaging a doomed familial relationship. My father is a Gemini sun (Aries moon and Virgo rising). My whole life I’ve felt almost karmically tied to him—obviously because he’s my father, but also because of the stars. We’ve also shared true love of a Libra, which for him was my (Leo moon, Aries rising), but that ended some time ago.

I’ve realized that many things I find attractive in my Libra boyfriend are things that my father found attractive in my Libra mother, like her rationality and even her temper. On the other side of the coin, both my boyfriend and my mother have that particular Libra style of emotional unavailability, which at time makes both of them feel not just distant, but unreachable. I don’t foresee my boyfriend and I breaking up any time soon, but this mirroring of my parents’ relationship makes me question our relationship. I wonder if we are fated for dissolution, disillusion, and discontent in the same way my parents seem to have been. So, Astro Poets, should I break up with my Libra before things go south? Tell me what to do.

Signed,

A Highly Reflective Gemini

Dear Highly Reflective Gemini,

Thank you for your question, which is endlessly fascinating—though of course I’d expect no less from a thoughtful Gemini such as yourself! Your question itself demonstrates what I love so much about your sign, which is that Geminis get something about life that most people don’t. Most signs don’t notice patterns in life intricately or at all, but Geminis notice the repetition of tropes and archetypes in all of our lives—an attentiveness to mirroring that, for example, makes Geminis so good at math and music. For Geminis, everything in life is a bit of a game. Not because you see things as superficially playful, but because you realize that life is a series of lessons, and that hopefully by the end of it, you’ve gotten some things right. I just love seeing how Geminis think, so thank you for letting us into your thought process a bit with your question.

Now that I have gotten that part out of the way, I must say that part of me wants to blurt out that you should just forget all of this thinking and relax and enjoy your relationship. You’re right to notice that there’s probably a reflection of your parents’ connection in your own dynamic with your boyfriend. It’s true that we learn how to love from what we see from our parents. But also, you’re a Gemini; these feelings about a Libra are classic. Distant and unreachable? Exceedingly rational and even hot-tempered? Yeah, that’s check and check in almost every case with any Libra. It’s your mother and your boyfriend, but it will be like that with almost every other Libra you meet. And you will love it. LOVE. IT. EVERY. DAMN. TIME.

Gemini and Libra is a match of soul mates, and since you’re happy, as a simple Aries, I’ll say this: Just be okay with being happy. I’m not sure what happened in your parents’ case, but I see that everyone in this scenario has fire moons, and I’m sorry to say that something can always go wrong when that’s at play. Also, things end, but that doesn’t mean they weren’t worth happening. You could easily stay with your Libra for the rest of your life. And so, until he gives you a reason to go, I say stay. My parents were Libra-Gemini and nothing could have broken them up. Just look at Gwen and Blake. Linda and Paul. Stevie Nicks and Lindsey—wait, let me quit while I’m ahead.

I hope you can go on lots of adventures with your sweet Libra this summer.

Love from a Not Reflective Aries,

Dorothea

Related: Ask the Astro Poets: Are Aries Capable of Having Casual Hook Ups?