Ask the Astro Poets: Why Does Being in Love Make Me Want to Vomit?

Ask the Astro Poets is the monthly advice column by W‘s resident astrologers, Alex Dimitrov (Sagittarius) and Dorothea Lasky (Aries). At the halfway point of every month, they take a breather from writing poetry and horoscopes, and take your questions about love, career, even the big existential questions in life. From matchmaking and compatibility, to friendship, professional, and dating advice, the poets of the stars are here to guide you through any challenge:

Dear Astro Poets,

I’m the quintessential Scorpio. Vulnerability is often my enemy and I look for the challenging souls with whom I’m most incompatible. In December, I met a lovely Libra man. By our third date, he asked me to be exclusive. Now it’s April, and I know my Libra on a much deeper level. He’s the Libra who has given me the relationship that, prior to our meeting, I’d only dreamed of.

But here’s my problem: Just typing out my feelings about him makes me want to vomit. What am I, the archetypal Scorpio woman, to do? The feelings that this amazing man evokes in me make me feel exposed and too vulnerable. I know how irrational and defeating these thoughts are. I don’t want them to undermine my ability to give and receive love from my amazing partner. I could use some sage wisdom and tips on how I can remember to give way to accepting the deep love that I waited for for so long.

Love,

A Smitten Scorpio

Dear Smitten Scorpio,

And this is how Scorpios are different from their water sign family, Pisces and Cancers. They love a challenge. The chase, the obsession, the unknowable nature of another person in those first weeks of dating—that’s what you live for. So now you have someone who is willing to worship you and give you the best love of your life, and it’s making you feel a little sick. Of course! No offense to water signs, but they’re all a little cheesy (save Scorpios). The fact that Scorpios are more skeptical and hold on to some of their reservations makes them smart and resilient. Not anything else.

I actually think how you’re feeling is not a bad thing. You’re being incredibly honest about it. Many people would fake it and perform the best relationship ever to themselves and the world. The thing is, you should be telling your partner this. (Not exactly “my feelings for you make me want to vomit”—definitely a bad opener.) And that’s scary. And it absolutely would destroy a Libra to hear that, though they’ll pretend to be approaching it intellectually and listen to you and nod. Libras are incredibly intuitive, but they’re silent about that intuition until you come to them, or until they’re approached. What I’m saying is, your partner may already feel this energy from you. But a Libra won’t rock the boat or start a conversation about something that “may be” there and when it may not be.

You should plan a very chill night in with a good bottle of red. After a few glasses, start telling your Libra how he’s a very different partner from the ones you’ve had. How you love this, but how you just aren’t allowing yourself to fully have it. Just saying it out loud, and to him, will change something; it’s vulnerability in action. It also won’t feel like you’re carrying a burden or hiding anything, like you’re the “bad” partner who can’t receive love. You aren’t! For a Scorpio, vulnerability is a long and narrow road. But you’re definitely walking it. You sat down and typed this all out. I can’t tell you how charmed I was by your subject line in our inbox: “Lovely Libra man makes me want to vomit – Scorpio woman lol.”

Another thing I’ll say is this: You know how attentive Libras are. They’ll do anything to make someone feel comfortable, and for a space or situation to be aesthetically beautiful. They’re all about things being refined. However, don’t be afraid to show him your Scorpio messiness. Libras are actually very attracted to that, partly because they don’t allow themselves it. Your raw and conflicting emotions are part of that messiness. This is probably why he’s obsessed with you.

Still, don’t test him in that manipulative Scorpio way that I know you know—throwing obstacles for the sake of obstacles, because dealing with your actual love for him is terrifying. Put that wild energy somewhere else. And don’t be afraid to take some time away from your relationship too. Taos, New Mexico has such Scorpio energy. You need to go to a place like that by yourself and feel your own power.

Rooting for you, Alex

Dear Astro Poets,

I’m a Scorpio in love with an Aries. Our relationship began as a wildly passionate love affair, and it has been dramatic the whole way. Since the start of the year, though, we’ve sort of entered a new phase. The magic is starting to dwindle, and I can tell that he’s feeling stuck. Sometimes I feel stuck, too. One of the ways we’re similar is our need for independence. And being in a relationship means losing some level of that independence. Especially when you live together. Since we’re both also really jealous (even if neither of us is willing to admit it), it all makes for a sort of lose-lose combination.

Can an Aries and Scorpio really make it together in the long run? Are neither of us cut out for monogamy, even if it’s what we both want? How do we keep the intensity and passion we both crave alive? How do I keep him as obsessed with me forever as I am with him?

Love, Anna

P.S. The sex has always been great though.

Dear Anna,

I love your question so much.

Aries-Scorpio. What can I say? I’m a big fan. As much as you’re obsessed with your Aries is as much as I’m obsessed with this combination. I love Scorpios—I think they are the most loyal and fun people on earth. I’m an Aries, and I have a sea of Scorpio best friends. My only real problem with Scorpios is that I will simply never get enough of them.

Your descriptions of your relationship ring completely true to both astrology and my own experiences. Aries-Scorpio will feel earth-shattering, otherworldly passion for each other (caused at least in part by having two signs with Mars planetary rulers meeting head on). But they’ll also suffer from having very similar intensities and drives. All of which means, unfortunately, that what attracts them also may drive them apart.

You’re noticing this, of course, with your partner—that you both feel a bit stuck and in need of your independence. You both have goals in life and mountains to climb (sometimes quite literally), and neither of you are people who want to compromise your soul’s mission for true love (despite believing that you do).

I don’t have to tell you this again, but you are both terrifying jealous people. The cheating scenarios you’ll imagine whenever your significant other goes out to get coffee will not be for the faint of heart. This is particularly because both of you are quite capable of being happy in non-monogamous relationships, but as a pair, your double jealousy would make it hard for either of you to deal with. The vibrations of your love make you need to be each other’s no. 1, which this will likely prevent a non-monogamous pairing of you two to really work. Save those days for a relationship with a Virgo, because you’re right to think that this Aries is not going to share you. You definitely won’t be ready to share him either anytime soon. Or ever.

It seems like a negative thing, and it can be in practice. But you really do have jealousy issues because you incite deep emotions in each other. In both Aries and Scorpio, deep emotions are tied to deep insecurities, which is where jealousy can rise greedily. As much as your jealousies are tied to how much you do love each other, they could be your undoing. For all that they get right, Aries-Scorpio sometimes have a problem communicating with each other. If you both continue to let jealousy rise up between you, you’ll both start to get angrier and angrier, and your communication will get even worse in the process. With two Mars-fueled signs, this isn’t a good thing. Your Aries will have more Aries tantrums and you will seethe in deep melancholy. So, if you do decide to stay together, I’d hit these issues of jealousy (and related feelings of being stuck) head on. It can be as simple as talking about it. Silence is toxic to your pairing.

All that’s to say, I really do feel that the longer Aries-Scorpio can stay together, the better chance they have of making it work for a lifetime. You said you felt the magic dwindling, but I’d chalk that up to long-term relationships in general. As an astrologer, I can’t imagine any situation where Aries-Scorpio isn’t going to light up an arena with their magical love, if they so choose. So, I say: Choose to continue! I have deep faith that you can work it out.

Aries love, Dorothea

Related: Ask the Astro Poets: Are My Dating Standards Unrealistic?