Ask the Astro Poets: How Do I Turn on an Aquarius?

Ask the Astro Poets is the monthly advice column by W‘s resident astrologers, Alex Dimitrov (Sagittarius) and Dorothea Lasky (Aries). At the halfway point of every month, they take a breather from writing poetry and horoscopes, and take your questions about love, career, even the big existential questions in life. From matchmaking and compatibility, to friendship, professional, and dating advice, the poets of the stars are here to guide you through any challenge:

Dear Astro Poets,

I’m a Cancer and my husband’s an Aquarius. We’ve been married for 22 years, and we make an excellent team. Although we’re very different and, I’ve been told, not compatible, we make our marriage work. But, being a Cancer, I’m romantic and intimate. And my husband, being an Aquarius, is not. Rather than having him work on romance, I want to work on turning him on. My question is: What turns on an Aquarius man? I want to intoxicate him. I want to drive him mad. Please help.

Yours truly, A Malleable Cancer

Dear Malleable Cancer,

Regardless of his sign, you should definitely be asking more of him. As a Cancer, your instincts are already to put your friends, family, and lovers first. You’re great at this. But this is also what deeply hurts you when you realize that no one quite does that for you, to the degree that you do it for others. We all know how it goes: Cancers give, the rest of the zodiac takes. (Unless you’re with a Pisces and then they might feel sorry for you, but still keep taking nonetheless).

It’s hard to turn on an Aquarius. Or, actually, it’s hard to know if you’re turning them on. It’s not the most expressive or effusive sign. That is, unless they’re angry or jealous. And they’re also very private. Aquarians tend to be in their heads and in their own world; even during sex, they’re floating somewhere above their body, probably thinking of where else they could be. Water signs are definitely attracted to the aloofness of Aquarians. They’re convinced that with enough attention they can win them over. Clearly you’ve won your Aquarius over!

I’ve only had sex with one Aquarius, but from personal experience, they like variety. They like to experiment—though they won’t be the ones who ask for that. You’ll be the partner who has to buy the restraints or start the role playing. Always remember that Aquarians are rule breakers. Beneath that cool, mysterious surface of theirs is someone who likes to push boundaries. Having sex with an Aquarius in a car? Hot. Having sex with an Aquarius in a moving car? Hotter. There’s something about being in public that really turns on Aquarians when it comes to sex.

Obviously that’s against the law. So I guess I’m telling you to break the law. But in all seriousness, take it outside of the bedroom in any way you can. Even if it’s another bedroom in another place where you’ve never had sex before. And be a little bossy. I know that’s definitely every Cancer’s fantasy, to act out on their bossiness, and yet they rarely do it, because they’re such people pleasers. Trust me. Just go with it.

Your Sagittarius in crime, Alex

Dear Astro Poets,

I’m a Leo who has been in love with the same Aries boy since sixth grade, so 13 years now. I consider him one of my best friends, and though we’ve made out a few times, we’ve never gone the next step. I’m terrified of being just another girl to him, even though he’s been telling me for years that he loves me and that no other girl compares. This Aries has always had lots of girls chasing after him, and, and me being my insanely jealous Leo self, I freak out at the thought.

Please note: I have never loved or cared for any of my boyfriends in the way that I love and care for him. He just moved away and wants me to visit and see if we can really give it a go and be together. But will this Aries drop me as soon as this 13-year chase is over? Or does he truly love me like he says he does?

Desperate for your help, Melodramatic Leo

Dear Melodramatic Leo,

Thank you so much for your question—I’m always up for some all fire sign true love!

As an Aries myself, who has never been fortunate enough to be with a Leo, I’m always a bit in awe of others who’ve had this pairing. In a universe where it’s hard to feel understood as an Aries, it must be heaven to be understood by a fellow fire lover, a shining sun of Leo energy. Your beau is very lucky that you feel this passionately about him, and it’s important to remember how lucky he is, no matter what happens.

That being said, I have a very good feeling about your prospects together. Aries-Leo is a perfect match; the gentleness of their connection soften both of their edges for the better. Although they’re both fighters by nature, Aries-Leo will always battle each other to protect their connection, which is otherworldly and intense. Plus, I myself am a big fan of finding love in the midst of a best friendship. To me, there is nothing more interesting or enduring than asking if love can build on something real. Forget what you’ve heard about fire signs needing an immediate connection with a stranger. Give an Aries heart the depth of time, and they will fall madly and truly in love.

You mention jealousy about your Aries’s potential admirers. And while Aries do love to be adored, you can trust that these people mean close to nothing to him. I wonder: Have you expressed this jealousy to him? Perhaps you might be scared to. But if you do feel like doing so, it might be the right fuel to start this engine. There is nothing an Aries loves more than to be coveted, and jealousy turns them on big time. Plus, you’ll be surprised to know that your jealousy is no match for what an Aries is capable of. You’ve been warned.

On the other hand, I’m not sure how much fuel you’ll need for this fire, as it sounds like things have already begun—especially if you’ve already kissed. Although Aries are pretty sexual by nature, they’re also not that concerned about the actual sexual events that have occurred. A kiss means more to an Aries than just about anything (except holding hands) because they are deeply romantic. So, if your Aries wants to give it a go, then I say go for it! You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Sending a burst of all good things! Dorothea

Related: Ask the Astro Poets: Is My Crush Trying to Ghost Me?