Karl Says

The fashion world may suffer from a paucity of original ideas, but it boasts an embarrassment of bitches. Whether it’s designer handbags at dawn or models going at it tooth and nail file, the fun isn’t always on the runway—and nobody cuts a quip better than Karl Lagerfeld. These are a few of his famous bons mots.

“Life is not a beauty contest; some [ugly people] are great. What I hate is nasty, ugly people…the worst is ugly, short men. Women can be short, but for men it is impossible. It is something that they will not forgive in life…they are mean, and they want to kill you.”

“I had an interview once with some German journalist—some horrible, ugly woman. It was in the early days after the communists—maybe a week after—and she wore a yellow sweater that was kind of see-through. She had huge tits and a huge black bra, and she said to me, ‘It’s impolite; remove your glasses.’ I said, ‘Do I ask you to remove your bra?’ ”

“No one wants to see curvy women. You’ve got fat mothers with their bags of chips sitting in front of the television and saying thin models are ugly. Fashion is about dreams and illusions.”

“It is farmers who are nice to the cows and the pigs and then kill them. It’s even more hypocritical than hunters. At least the hunters don’t flatter the animals… I don’t like that people butcher animals, but I don’t like them to butcher humans either, which is apparently very popular in the world.”

“The body has to be impeccable…that helps a lot. If it’s not, buy small sizes and eat less food.”

“Florals are for middle-aged women with weight problems.”

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