Succession Season 4, Episode 1: Morons, Each and Every One

Let’s get one thing straight: everyone on this show is a loser. It doesn’t matter how much money they have, how picturesque their homes may be, how quickly they can come up with the perfect comeback—they are all complete and utter losers. And that’s what makes Succession such a hit. We love to see the mighty fall—and oh, how the Roys have crumbled over and over (and over) again. Their immense wealth and unmatched egos allow them to stand up, dust off their Loro Piana pants, and jump back into the ring, where they will undoubtedly find themselves knocked out once more. Call it schadenfreude, or whatever else you want, but it’s a cycle the public loves to watch.

As we embark on the fourth and final season of the hit HBO show, there are some unanswered questions that will linger over every episode. What will happen to Waystar Royco when the final credits roll? Who will survive to take over the throne and who will be a casualty in the fight for dad’s respect? Because, in the end, there will ostensibly be at least one “winner” here. Right now, it’s too early to tell who will end up with the title of CEO, but we’re going to keep track of where everyone stands throughout the season (not so much who has the best chance of walking away with the company, more so who made it out of the last hour with the fewest bruises).

Winners

The Roy Siblings

I would like to take a moment to recognize the newfound camaraderie that stemmed from Kendall, Shiv, and Roman bonding over a shared desire to betray their father. There’s nothing quite like the love between siblings, right? For the first time in four seasons, the Roy siblings are working together (albeit bickering and name-calling through it all), leaving only poor Connor on the outskirts, grasping at his sole percentage point.

Bridget Randomfuck

Yes, the “drug-addled cock monster” Bridget with her “ludicrously capacious” bag is a winner this week. She may have been a victim of the “Disgusting Brothers,” but she matched with a guy on Hinge (swayed no doubt by the 6’ 7” on Greg’s profile), and suddenly she’s at the birthday party of one of the most powerful men in this fictionalized world. I mean, things could have gone a lot worse for Bridget—instead, she got to enjoy free drinks, fluffy display towels, and what I have to imagine are Michelin Star-worthy canapés. Logan may have said no to her selfie, but it looks like she still got some great Instagram content from her outing. She was likely humiliated when Colin went through her phone and kicked her out of the penthouse, but hey—now she has some great content for her next TikTok video. “Kerching” indeed.

Tom Wambsgans

He might not be too happy about it, but the end of Tom’s loveless marriage to Shiv Roy makes him an undoubted winner this week. Tom is in no way perfect. He, like everyone else on this show, is an unmitigated asshole, and he is clearly using his relationship with Shiv to further his career at Waystar. But underneath it all, Tom does seem like a good guy. I don’t know, maybe it’s my love for Mr. Darcy popping out, but I do want Tom to be happy, and he would have likely stayed married to Shiv for the rest of his life if she didn’t pull the plug. Luckily for him, she clearly wanted out. So I say, Sayonara Mrs. Wambsgans—and long may the Disgusting Brothers reign!

Twitter Fans

Everyone say “Thank you, Jesse Armstrong” for creating another 60 minutes chock full of quotable one-liners that will serve as Twitter reaction memes for months to come. Logan, specifically, had some great lines this episode, like, “Why is everybody so fucking happy?” and “Congratulations on saying the biggest number, you fucking morons.”

The conversation between Connor, Willa, Greg, and Bridget regarding Connor’s presidential run provided a whole lot of Twitter fodder as well. “They’re saying that I could need to get aggressive in certain media markets, because both sides are trying to squeeze my percent,” he says, to which Willa replies: “That’s greedy. When they have all the other percents?”

Losers

Everyone Stuck in Logan’s Library With Him

“Nobody tells jokes anymore, do they?” Logan asks, before going around the room, forcing each of his employees to roast him—a man who notoriously cannot take a joke—on the spot. Unfortunately for Logan (and probably fortunately for everyone else), none of Waystar’s top execs are particularly funny, meaning the conversation ends without so much as a chuckle from Logan. It’s possible the patriarch realizes he drove out the only people who can make fun of him in the way he clearly craves. Apparently, you need Roy blood to serve that kind of insult, but the only person the sibling trio targets this week is Logan’s “friend, assistant, and advisor,” Kerry. It’s unclear, however, whether Logan would find all the jabs they took at her very humorous.

The Roy Siblings

Like I said, everyone on this show is a loser, even when they’re a winner. The Roy siblings may finally be getting along, which is nice to see or whatever, but their obsession with their father is reaching the point of pathetic. They were so close to doing their own thing, to creating their own company, which may have sounded completely superfluous and bound to fail, but at the very least, they would have failed as three independent adults. Alas, they simply couldn’t pass up the opportunity to serve it to Dad, to beat him at his own game. At one point, Roman is the clear voice of reason in the group, stating that the thought of getting back in the ring with their father is “getting fucking old.” But even he drinks the KoolAid—and jumps wallet-first into a deal that will screw over Logan.