Natasha Rothwell has probably made you laugh. The Emmy-nominated comedienne has written for Saturday Night Live and HBO’s Insecure; on the latter, she was the first writer ever hired for the show, then quickly asked to join the ensemble cast, where she became a fan favorite as the real-talking accountant Kelli opposite star Issa Rae. This fall, Rothwell is making her debut as a lead actor in the new series How to Die Alone. The performer is pulling quadruple duty as its lead actor, writer, executive producer, and co-showrunner. She plays Melissa, a “broke, fat, Black JFK airport employee” (per show press) who has never been in love, or frankly, made a responsible decision. At 35, Mel is unhappily slogging through life, until a near-death experience scares her into an awakening.
The show chronicles that aggressive pivot: a love triangle, sibling fights, and tough confrontations with friends and coworkers ensue. Mel is in line with the kinds of characters Rothwell has made a career out of playing—very funny, but still incredibly grounded. (Belinda, the spa manager who tactfully spars with a fickle client [Jennifer Coolidge] in HBO’s The White Lotus, comes to mind; Rothwell will be reprising the role in season three.) Although How to Die Alone is ostensibly a workplace comedy, Rothwell hopes the series, now streaming on Hulu, inspires people to “have grace” for themselves. Below, the Wichita, Kansas native discusses being a recovering perfectionist, onscreen representation of plus-size women, and what she’s learned in 20-plus years of therapy.
To me, airports are some of the most stressful places in the world. What made you decide this was the right setting for a workplace comedy?
I actually love airports. It’s a rich environment, a microcosm of the world. To me, airports and travel are like freedom—and not just because I’m about to get on a plane and fly someplace. I’m a recovering workaholic. While traveling, I get permission to be on a little bit of a vacation. It’s permissible for me to say no and turn on an out-of-office reply. My phone may not get service. That means I can do the crossword.
Mel is an airport employee who is afraid of flying. Do you possess any personal contradictions like that?
I love what I do for a living, being on film, being a storyteller. But I’m very much an introvert. I love my alone time and I recharge solo. It can be so hard, especially given the needs of this job to be in the public and go to events. But as I’ve come to know myself more fully and have stopped apologizing for my needs, I can recalibrate. I’ll be at an event and my best friend, Jen, will be like, “Yep, it’s time for you to go.” And I’ll be like, “Yep.”
Mel’s neuroticism is a huge plot point in the show. Why was it important to you to make her mental health journey so central to the story?
Having a destructive, violent, inner critic—I’ve dealt with all of those things in my life, and I talk about it openly. It can be very stigmatized, especially in the Black community, to talk about mental health and therapy. So I bring it up often.
It’s in the show because it’s in me. I’m neuro-spicy. The necklace I’m wearing right now is a serotonin molecule, and I have a little dopamine ring.
Are there any other good luck charms that keep you grounded?
I have a bracelet that was my wrap gift to the cast of Insecure—it’s a thin gold bracelet that has the coordinates of Inglewood on it. I’ve worn that throughout this press tour, and even on set. I also have Mel’s bracelet. It’s just string tied around her wrist. I stole it from set, so I have it with me and I travel with it.
Natasha Rothwell in How to Die Alone.
What sorts of decisions did you make as a writer/actor/co-showrunner to ensure you were portraying a plus-size woman who is granted her full spectrum of humanity?
That is why I wrote the show. I didn’t see that represented in a way that resonated with me. It was important not to think about the show in binary terms, [like] comedy/drama. To me, the human experience is nuanced and varied. Playing a layered character that’s allowed to do a pratfall in the same series in which I’m breaking up with an ex made me so grateful. Both of those scenarios can exist on the same show.
Even the way the word “fat” is used on How to Die Alone feels like a sea change. It’s not a slur or curse word, it’s just a descriptor. That felt really intentional.
In the giant staff meeting we had before we started production, where the HR folks were doing their musts and do-nots, I had an opportunity to address everyone. I spoke specifically about the word “fat” and that it is not to be used on set or in meetings pejoratively. To me, it is a fact. And at no point in the show is Mel going to lose 30 pounds and figure it out. No. She is herself and her issues are internal and she has to get out of her own way.
There was a moment in the series where I’m just in my bra and panties. And if you told me 20-plus years ago, before I started therapy, that I would be on national television in my underwear as a plus-size woman, I would think you were smoking something. But it was so important for me to do that scene. I told the director and the crew that day, “This is for me.” I, Natasha, needed to do it. It was probably one of the more profound moments of my life, feeling so exhilarated and free. When we were in the edit, I remember telling our editors, “Leave my stretch marks. Leave my rolls. That’s my body. Let it be.”
You’ve described this show as “a love letter to the unhealed version of myself.” Can you explain that?
I think I was afraid to take off in a lot of ways, and I didn’t give myself nearly enough grace in growing. I was really hard on myself. I’m also a recovering perfectionist. I beat myself up for not having a lot figured out at an early age. In How to Die Alone, we also see a protagonist that is trying, and who’s worthy to try.
Our mascot for Mel is the Roomba vacuum cleaner, because it hits wall after wall after wall, but it keeps going and it cleans up as it goes. I think the unhealed version of myself, her nose was a little bit too close to the painting to see that the work she was doing was actually working. And hindsight being what it is, I look at the life that is my room and it’s much cleaner than it was before. I’m grateful for the walls that I hit and I hope to inspire audiences to have grace with themselves on their own journeys.
