If You Want to Date Kim Kardashian, You Might Have to Get Your Doctorate First
There comes a time in many celebrities’ lives when, after a string of failed relationships with fellow stars, they take a step back and say, “I’m ready to date a normy.” Reese Witherspoon moved on from Ryan Phillipe to talent agent Jim Toth. After trying things out with Kiefer Sutherland and Liam Neeson, Julia Roberts ended up with Daniel Moder, a cinematographer. And Katie Holmes seems to be having a great time with her normy at the moment, musician Bobby Wooten III. There’s enough stress around being a celebrity, but when you multiple it by two, it can be overwhelming—just ask Jennifer and Ben. So, it makes sense that now, following her split from Pete Davidson, Kim Kardashian has had enough yucks and she’s ready to date just some guy.
To be fair, Kardashian isn’t actively looking for a relationship right now. “I just want to chill for a minute,” she said when James Corden asked about her dating life on The Late Late Show on Wednesday. “I think I need some time to myself, to focus, finish school, all that.” Always the planner, though, Kardashian is already strategizing for the future, and she has an idea of how she wants to find her next match. “Clearly, it’s not working, whatever I’m doing,” she admitted. So, like a single NYC resident who hangs out in the Financial District trying to “organically” meet a Goldman Sachs banker during his lunch break, Kardashian is ready to work for her next man, go to the locations necessary, really scout him out.
The reality star surmised that maybe she needs to go to a hospital to meet a doctor, or head to a law firm to find an attorney. Kris, if I were you, I wouldn’t eat any food Kim serves you in the near future, because just a sprinkle of laxatives can result in a harmless hospital visit, a possible cute doc, and maybe even a love match.
In fact, Kardashian—who, again, began this conversation by saying she’s not yet ready to date again—has a list of professions she would consider when it comes to her future boyfriend. “It’s going to be like a scientist, neuroscientist, biochemist, doctor, attorney,” she said, like she’s a Jewish mother, listing the only acceptable career paths for her son to pursue. “That’s maybe what I envision in the future.”
It’s unclear where neuroscientists hang out in their free time, and if any of them have the interest or time required to date someone like Kardashian. More realistically, Kardashian should find a nice banker through her new private equity firm. That seems like it could be a bit more of her speed. Or, she should take a note from the other successful celeb/normy relationships, stay inside the industry, but behind the camera. Who knows, maybe someone on the Hulu show has the hots for Kardashian.
